Apr 16

Apr 16 Choosing to be Happy During Times of Loss

Happiness.

What a word! What a subject! Especially now.

Happiness is something everyone wants. It’s the ultimate thing in life, to be happy. As humans we are constantly saying, “I’ll be happy when __”. But when that blank is not fulfilled in the way we expected, we are unhappy again.

Until we realize that happiness cannot be obtained solely based on circumstances - that happiness is not circumstance dependent - we will never be happy.

Happiness is a choice!

I started writing this blog post a few months ago, when I noticed myself focusing on the bad, over the good. This past year, many wonderful things happened, but I also had to contend with grief. The grief of losing two very close family members in a nine month period.

During a time of deep sadness, I also experienced some of the highest highs. You get to a point where life becomes a rollercoaster of a vast array of emotion. And it’s to be expected. I began to watch myself lean into my emotions and recognize that each different feeling I had was valid. Through the extreme highs and lows, there was grief that lingered. I kept asking myself, “what’s wrong with me?!”. I’ve always been the girl that lit up a room. But then, being the light started feeling like an obligation. I didn’t understand why I had to contend with such a cloud.

But that’s just it, grief isn’t something that can be shrugged off and sent on it’s way. Grief is something you have to sit with. We don’t like to sit with grief because it’s unpleasant, and talking about it makes people feel uncomfortable.

So here we are in 2020...and what comes along?

A pandemic: COVID-19.

Uncomfortable, painful and full of grief.

We are told to stay home. We aren’t going out, spending time with friends at bars, restaurants, experiencing music festivals, traveling, going to weddings, symphonies, plays….you name it. If it’s social, we’re not doing it!

Many of us are asking ourselves if we are truly happy staying home. Truly confined to one place. Alone or with family - working or out of work.

You are forced to face yourself.

To sit with your emotions. To face who you are without that layer of life. Forced to explore your happiness, or lack thereof.

In saying this, I recognize that I am extremely blessed. And for that I am grateful during this pandemic. I have a wonderful family I choose to spend time with and I have the ability to work from home. I don’t know what it’s like to be alone, or out of work, or stuck in an unsafe situation.

Some of these things you have no choice in. It’s just where you are. But perhaps this time, it’s a huge wake-up call to change your situation in the areas which you have the power to.

Or maybe, it’s time you sit. Sit with grief.

The grief of:

loss of a sense of normalcy and stability
a postponed wedding
travel plans that are now uncertain
losing a loved one

Or grieve something you’ve chosen to avoid for a long time. Which in turn, has made a negative impact on your life. This post began about happiness. And morphed into grief. Because I don’t believe you can ever be happy until you face the grief.

Loss.

Whatever it is. Whether you believe it to be big or small. Loss should be recognized and grieved. Grieving allows you to accept and enter the new phase of life offered to you. To reinvest that energy elsewhere.

Right now we are all sitting in the unknown together. We don’t even know when we will be able to enter that so-called new phase of life. Still, what a time some of us now have to slow down and grapple with these feelings. To face them and stop ignoring the pain.