The Gap in Connection
Humans want connection.
We need connection. We crave it.
Since the lockdown in March, connection has become a point of contention.
As the months have gone by, I’ve felt an increasing frustration that there are so many barriers between you...and me.
Whether that’s a mask, no large social gatherings, no networking events, countries closed off to us, or that I can’t even meet with a client in person and am relegated to a screen.
We are made and meant to share our intellect and exchange ideas. It’s what brings us alive! I cannot stress how important this is for humans to thrive. But the boundaries that have been placed before us are a hard marker against this energy that brings us natural joy. If you want to connect with others, you have to get creative. Even going to a bar doesn’t feel “normal” in the sense that you can’t engage strangers across the establishment. Sometimes this stifling feeling of frustration comes over me, and I have to find other ways to satisfy my connection craving.
So now, more than ever, we turn to social media to connect with others.
I started considering the concept that many people feel the need to connect over live events. More and more we are watching footage of what people are experiencing in real time. I came across a news article titled: “Stop Snapping Selfies, Blocking Firefighter Access to Valley Fire”. Sheriff’s literally had to move people off of a highway to make way for firetrucks to get to a fire. Selfies in front of flames that were destroying people's homes….
How did we get to the point where we find ourselves behind screens filming footage that actually can affect others negatively? What have we so forgotten that this is now a normal course of action in the moment? Something even as aggressive as consuming flames!
As I continued to ponder the answer to this question, a friend suggested I listen to the podcast “Dissect”. Cole Cuchna breaks down the song “Worldstar” by Childish Gambino: “Worldstarrrr! Worldstarr!” started ringing in my ears as I recalled that song from 2013. Cuchna talks about people who film bad things happening in real time and use these videos “to gain personal reward or recognition”. There are real ramifications for this, but people have “a lack of foresight when seeking fame”. There is an interconnectedness of being in the world together and we are all searching for something together. With Worldstar, we can all laugh together. But these videos share a “fine line between danger and entertainment”.
It begs the question: “How do we replace apathy, with empathy?”
And there’s the answer: We forgot empathy.
As Wesley Morris states in “Still Processing”, today during the Black Lives Matter movement, there is a “closing of an empathy gap”. While the gap gets smaller, the desire to connect still grows. It’s like there’s a tension between the two. Push pull, push pull.
Ever since I was a little girl, I always looked out for others. I always wanted to make sure that everyone felt important or included in group situations. I couldn’t bear when one child was deliberately picked on or left out. I always made it a point to show love to those kids and found ways to have them accepted into the group. I just wanted everyone to get along and I couldn’t see why that wasn’t possible. So I pushed everyday for connection, and I succeeded. The other kids would believe in me and follow along. I had a lot of influence.
Becoming an adult, the push pull gets even more difficult. There will likely be disagreements or triggers, but there will also be situations where people can agree to disagree and still maintain a good, connected relationship.
It is said that only 25% of people will like you right away. I don’t say this to discourage you. I say this to encourage you to realize that many times it is completely normal that you have to work at a connection. And today, it seems as though the push pull of tension in America has become an extreme chasm. We are not in the trenches together anymore. We are playing tug of war with the issues that come between you and me.
When I google the definition of connection, it is “the act or state of connecting or being connected”. While empathy means, “the ability to understand and share the feelings of another”. Isn’t that the same thing we desire when we want to connect with another human being? For them to understand our feelings?
It seems that in order to have connection, we need to have empathy. Let’s fill the gap together.
VEDA: Green Leather Circle Skirt. ZARA: Boots (old), Sock Style Heeled Ankle Boots (new version). Forever 21: NEW YORK Cropped Sweater (old), similar cropped tee here. Urban Decay: On The Run Mini Eyeshadow Palette.
