Accepting Instead of Expecting
I’ve always had great expectations.
Expectations keep you going in life.
I put expectations on myself for every aspect of my life.
When you’re striving towards something, or working hard to get somewhere, expectations propel you to work harder.
But expectations can also ruin you.
Shakespeare even said, “expectations are the root of all heartache”.
There it is. We just climbed a positive, elevated hill - to dash down the side.
How did that make you feel?
When I share thoughts and dreams with someone and they take everything I said, ball it up and throw it out, I feel a flame ignite inside of me.
While life should have some reality checks and balances, sometimes a person is just looking for an idea discussion, not a jarring dose of negativity. Sometimes you want someone to just share in your happiness and excitement.
You just want acceptance or affirmation for exactly what is.
My Grandmother was a realist. A strong survivor of the Great Depression. Often, her first reaction towards exciting news felt shattering. I would be excited to share, and her unpleasant life response would immediately affect my spirit. As I grew older and more self-aware, I knew that her response was one of love to protect me, and she just didn’t have the proper tools to connect with me.
But that did not mean that I liked her responses.
Maybe the person you share with isn’t trying to make you feel less. Perhaps it has to do with how they respond to life based on their current, or past traumas. Or perhaps the problem lies within you, and how you take on others' opinions.
Let’s consider the possibility of never receiving the response you want from a certain person in your life. Whether that be your grandmother, mother, father - you name it.
Never.
That can be a hard reality to accept. For me, I still don’t know when I will be able to accept that I never had the deep connection I desired from my Grandmother, even though she was a constant in my life. Many people have sweet and soft Grandmother’s to confide in. Mine was just not. And while she wanted me to confide in her and share with her, I began to pick and choose how I shared things, because of the way she often responded.
Sometimes, that’s the only choice you have. But rather than just stating that certain family or friends are not “safe” to confide in and leaving it at that. I have questions. Questions for people who have a hard time being happy for others and find themselves reacting negatively towards others happiness.
While we know that some people will never become self-aware enough to know that they do this, others of us can recognize when we might fall into this pattern.
My questions are:
What holds you back from being happy for others?
What makes you happier for some people over others?
Where does your critical spirit stem from?
Do you feel miserable? Why? Is there justification to it? Do you find some sort of satisfaction in being miserable?
Why are you a hater?! Happy people can be haters too! Trust me, I can be!
These are some harsh questions. I empathize with people who struggle in this area. Because I know that negative and utterly critical people are just as aggressive towards themselves. They might not be happy for you, but they also might not be happy with themselves. They have so much anxiety in their everyday life, that there is no time to be happy.
So my challenge is: Have you ever felt what it feels like to actually be happy for someone else? The overwhelming feeling of happiness can envelope you! Sometimes I just get butterflies of happiness for what other people are experiencing.
Even in that, look what I gained?! Instead of wallowing in my own disparagement of what I don’t have, I could find joy in others. I could find inspiration in others' choices.
Sometimes life isn’t the way we thought it would turn out. But if we sat around and longed for how we wished it could be, we would be miserable.
It’s good to have desires - but when those desires take over, it becomes a problem. Instead of expecting things to be the way you had hoped them to be, accept life for what it is. For what is actually happening around you. Why do you feel so much resistance? Explore that. And find ways to allow every situation to be what it actually is. Be in reality. There is plenty of joy to be found today!
Photo Location: The Getty Villa - Malibu, California. Photo Credit: Marcus Tomlin.
Dress: La Maison Tallulah
