Identity Check
For many of us, our identities took a hit in 2020. We experienced so much change, that we examined our lives closer to determine who or what actually defines ourselves. And we became more self-aware. Without constant social interaction or distractions and less places to “be seen”, the outward additions of who we determine ourselves to be, forced us to look at who we are without society providing much feedback.
There’s something to be said about being out in the world and receiving compliments from people around you. Whether you’re dressed up for work or a fancy event, or someone in a coffee shop compliments your outfit. Let’s be honest, these moments can put a pep in anyone’s step. But with social distancing and the addition of face masks in our lives, the likelihood of random interaction drastically declined.
It made me consider how much external validation may have been a part of my life, and others. What I found is that I just really missed connecting with people on a consistent basis. I missed meeting people and hearing other people's stories. I literally became tired of my own thoughts and opinions! It was like I began questioning my own personality being connected with myself for such an extended period of time. I was craving human interaction!
During the shutdown, I began listening to Dr. Caroline Leaf’s podcast: Cleaning up the Mental Mess. As a communication pathologist and cognitive neuroscientist, she created the Neurocycle app, which can help you “learn how to manage your mind, and change your thoughts. And, by changing your thoughts, you can change your genetic expression; you rewire your brain (through neuroplasticity), which then impacts your biology.”
Previous to discovering her, I have done similar things to rewire the way I think and believe about different aspects of my life. Editing my life ruthlessly - adding or taking away things that helped or hindered me. On June 7th she released a podcast titled: A Neurocycle to improve low self-esteem and lack of confidence + how to find your identity again after a crisis or challenge.
The pandemic has been a crisis and a challenge for all of us. With so much change, it was bound that my identity might alter too. Dr. Leaf states that, “Our identities are developed and shaped in our connection with others.” This is why “we must do identity checks often, because the environment around us can block us from seeing who the core of who we are is.” We must recognize that quarantine and being shut off from our normal activities shifted who many of us are. Humans are not meant to live life alone, hence why depression and suicide skyrocketed in 2020.
“When we are functioning in our identity, we are filled with inspiration, excitement and creativity.” While many of us experienced a spark of inspiration in the beginning of quarantine with extra time on our hands, the extended time of isolation had many of us feeling we lost our identity. Or perhaps we were trying to discover if we were really happy with what we were left with.
“Warning signals creep in to show you when you lose your sense of self - rage, bitterness, anxiety. Use these signals to find out why you feel lost.”
Dr. Leaf says: Face it to dissipate it.
Ask yourself:
Do I feel threatened?
Do I feel that I have no value?
What we all need to continue to remind ourselves is that our identity is not a fixed thing. It is a process. It is a verb!
Do you feel like you are ready for an Identity Check?
What are you feeling? Gather awareness of signals. To “gather” means that you are in control of the process.
What do you do? What is your perspective of yourself? How do you view yourself? Gather your behavioral warning signals.
Reflect on the above. Why do I feel ___? What am I thinking and feeling and choosing? What is the root? How and why? Do a mental autopsy. Get it all out!
Re-conceptualize it.
Active Reach: What simple phrase can you say to yourself that encapsulates what you learned above?
I hope that Dr. Leaf’s insight and taking a moment to consider how your identity may have been affected by the pandemic are helpful to you in moving forward to your next stage of life! xo
Photo Location: Sands Hotel & Spa. Palm Springs, California
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